You’ve probably heard them a dozen times. Maybe you’ve even said a few yourself. But when certain phrases become someone’s go-to response in conversation after conversation, they’re not just words—they’re windows into a deeply self-centered worldview.
Language is one of the most reliable tells we have. The phrases people repeat, especially under stress or conflict, reveal their core priorities. And for deeply selfish individuals, those priorities rarely include you.
Here are 11 phrases that selfish people say over and over—often without realizing how much they expose.
“I don’t have time for this”
This one’s a classic deflection. It sounds reasonable on the surface—everyone’s busy, right? But when someone uses this phrase to shut down your needs, concerns, or feelings, it’s a power move.
What they’re really saying: Your issue isn’t worth my attention. It’s a way to avoid accountability while making you feel like the problem for bringing something up in the first place.
Pay attention to when this phrase appears. If it’s every time you need support or want to address something important, you’re dealing with someone who prioritizes their comfort over your reality.
“You’re too sensitive”
This phrase is emotional gaslighting dressed up as observation. It shifts blame from their hurtful behavior to your supposedly flawed reaction.
Selfish people use it to avoid taking responsibility. Instead of acknowledging that they said or did something that hurt you, they reframe you as the problem. Your feelings become the issue, not their actions.
Healthy people apologize when they’ve caused harm, even unintentionally. Selfish people tell you that you’re overreacting.
“I was just joking”
Another deflection classic. This phrase appears right after they’ve said something cruel, dismissive, or inappropriate—and you’ve called them out.
The “joke” defense lets them off the hook. It reframes their behavior as harmless fun and paints you as humorless or uptight if you don’t laugh along.
But here’s the thing: jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone involved. If only one person is laughing, it’s not a joke—it’s a jab with plausible deniability.
“That’s not what I said” (when it absolutely was)
This is a form of conversational rewriting. You bring up something they said or did, and they flat-out deny it—even when you both know it happened.
It’s not forgetfulness. It’s a tactic to make you question your memory and perception. Over time, this phrase erodes your confidence in your own reality.
Selfish people use it to avoid accountability and to keep you off balance. If you’re busy defending what you heard, you’re not holding them accountable for what they meant.
“I didn’t mean it like that”
Intent matters, but so does impact. This phrase prioritizes the former and ignores the latter.
When someone says this, they’re asking you to disregard the harm they caused because they claim they didn’t intend it. But selfish people rarely follow up with genuine curiosity about how their words did land.
A non-selfish response sounds like: “I didn’t mean it that way, but I can see how it hurt you. I’m sorry.” Notice the difference.
“You always/never…”
Absolute language is a red flag in conflict. Phrases like “You always do this” or “You never listen” are designed to put you on the defensive.
They’re also almost never true. But selfish people use them to globalize a specific issue, making it about your character rather than a single behavior.
This tactic shifts the focus from their actions to your supposed patterns, letting them avoid the actual problem at hand.
“I’m just being honest”
Honesty without compassion is cruelty. This phrase is often used to justify saying something harsh, unnecessary, or unsolicited.
Selfish people hide behind “honesty” to avoid taking responsibility for how they deliver information. They act as if bluntness is a virtue, when really it’s just a lack of care for your feelings.
You can be truthful and kind. People who refuse to do both are prioritizing their own comfort in speaking over your comfort in hearing.
“That’s just how I am”
This is the ultimate conversation-ender. It’s a declaration that they have no intention of changing, growing, or considering your perspective.
“That’s just how I am” is a shield against accountability. It frames their behavior as fixed and immutable, so you’re the unreasonable one if you expect anything different.
But here’s the truth: everyone is capable of change. Selfish people just don’t think they should have to.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
This phrase minimizes your feelings and reframes reasonable concern as overreaction. It’s a way to avoid engaging with the substance of what you’re saying.
Selfish people use it to make you feel foolish for caring, so they don’t have to deal with the discomfort of being called out.
If something matters to you, it’s not a “big deal” to bring it up. It’s communication. And dismissing it is a choice.
“I did [small thing], so you can’t say I never help”
This is scorekeeping disguised as contribution. Selfish people will do the bare minimum and then use it as evidence that they’re pulling their weight.
They’ll bring up that one time they did the dishes or listened to you vent, as if it cancels out months of neglect or one-sidedness.
Healthy relationships aren’t transactional. People who keep score are usually losing—and they know it.
“What about me?”
This phrase appears when you’re talking about your experience, needs, or feelings—and they can’t stand not being the center of attention.
It’s a conversational hijack. Instead of listening or offering support, they redirect the focus back to themselves.
Everyone deserves to be heard. But selfish people struggle to let anyone else hold the spotlight, even for a moment.
How to respond when you hear these phrases
First, trust your gut. If a phrase makes you feel dismissed, minimized, or confused, that’s data.
Second, name the pattern. You don’t have to accept these phrases at face value. You can say, “I notice that when I bring up something that’s bothering me, you tell me I’m too sensitive. That’s not helpful.”
Third, set boundaries. You can’t control what someone says, but you can control how much access they have to you. If someone repeatedly uses these phrases and refuses to engage differently, it might be time to limit the relationship.
Finally, distinguish between selfish moments and selfish people. We all say thoughtless things sometimes. The difference is whether someone is willing to reflect, apologize, and adjust.
Deeply selfish people won’t. They’ll repeat the same phrases, the same deflections, the same patterns—because in their world, they’re always the main character.
You deserve conversations where your feelings matter. Where your reality is acknowledged. Where care flows both ways.
If the phrases above sound painfully familiar, it’s not you. It’s the pattern. And recognizing it is the first step toward protecting yourself.