When you imagine a “good” older adult, you might think of someone sensible, cautious and always available for everyone else.Yet many people over 60 who feel unexpectedly light and alive do almost the opposite. From the outside it can look selfish, childish or even slightly reckless. Inside, it’s often exactly what keeps them mentally young.
Here are 5 “wrong” things they quietly start doing and why they work.
1. They stop always being the family problem-solver
For years they were the fixer: the one who babysat, lent money, hosted every holiday and mediated every argument. The happy 60-plus person slowly retires from that unpaid job. They still care but they say things like:
- “I’m not getting in the middle of this one.”
- “I can’t host every year. Let’s rotate.”
From the outside it might look cold. In reality, they’re protecting their time and nervous system, which gives them more energy for the parts of family life they actually enjoy.
2. They spend money on “non-serious” pleasure
Instead of saving every spare coin “for the kids” or “for emergencies,” they finally book the art class, buy the nicer walking shoes, or take a short trip that has no practical purpose. People might whisper that they’re being irresponsible at their age. But small, intentional treats create a sense that life is still happening now, not only in some careful future that may never arrive.
They still pay their bills and think about security. They just allow a slice of their budget for joy, not just survival.
3. They let friendships end and don’t apologize for it
Many over-60s quietly step away from people who drain them: the constant complainer, the cousin who only calls for favors, the friend who mocks their choices.They might answer less often, decline invitations, or simply stop chasing one-sided connections. On paper, “dropping old friends” looks cruel. But freeing themselves from emotional dead weight opens space for kinder relationships, new hobbies and genuine rest.
4. They say, “I don’t know, but I’m learning”
You’d think older people would want to look wise all the time. The ones who feel young do the opposite: they happily admit they don’t understand a new app, a meme, or a recipe and then ask someone to show them. Allowing themselves to be beginners keeps their brain flexible. It also builds funny, equal friendships with younger people who get to teach them something. Pretending to “know everything already” would feel safer. Choosing curiosity instead keeps their world bigger.
5. They protect quiet time like a serious appointment
People over 60 who feel great often have blocks of time where they are simply unavailable. No calls, no errands, no “quick favors”, just reading, walking, music, or doing nothing. Family members may roll their eyes: “Grandpa is busy doing what, exactly?” But this protected solitude resets their mind and body, so they can show up with genuine enthusiasm later instead of forced politeness.
The “selfish” phase that isn’t selfish at all
From the outside, these choices can look like rebellion: less rescuing, more resting; fewer obligations, more experiments. Look closer and you’ll see something else: people finally giving themselves the same care they offered everyone else for decades. You don’t have to wait until 60 to start. Choosing a tiny “wrong” thing: saying no once, trying something you’re bad at, or taking one hour that belongs only to you, might be exactly what makes the rest of your life feel more right.